How to Reach Employees Who Need Mental Health Support

Oct 17, 2019

By Joe Grasso, PhD

Mental health struggles are universal. The National Institute of Mental Health tells us that about one in five of us will develop a diagnosable behavioral health condition annually. And that’s not to mention undiagnosed life stressors such as breakups, losing a loved one, or feeling overwhelmed at work. Despite the prevalence of mental health issues and growing awareness, stigma around seeking help lingers. It’s important to approach that head-on and be a model for normalizing mental health in your workplace

As a manager, it’s normal to feel some anxiety around approaching an employee who may be showing signs of emotional distress. You may wonder, “Should I say something?” and, “Am I saying the right thing?” Read on for some concrete skills you can use to support employees who may need mental health assistance.

Signs an employee may be struggling

The following are some broad categories of indicators that an employee is in distress.

Mood changes

You may notice that the employee’s typical way of acting has shifted in a concerning way. The person may be quicker to anger, or express sadness at work (such as crying at their desk).

Behavior changes

When you notice behaviors changing in a concerning way, such as reckless conduct, mentions of increased substance use, or sudden withdrawal, this can be a sign that someone is experiencing mental health issues.

Cognition changes

If an employee reports trouble remembering things, paying attention, staying on task, or retaining new information, these are also potential signs of distress.

Worrisome statements 

Pay attention to troubling comments related to the employee’s hopes for the future, their ability to cope, and more serious statements like wanting to hurt or kill themselves.

Take, for example, an employee I’ll call Bob. He’s coming in late more often, isn’t participating in team meetings the way he used to, and procrastinates so much that he’s turning in projects late. The only way to know what’s going on is by talking with Bob. In doing so, you may learn he’s overwhelmed by stress, or that he’s late because he sits in his car each morning trying to calm his anxiety. That kind of valuable behind-the-scenes information can help you point him in the right direction.

Appropriate responses for 3 different scenarios

1. Emergency: employee is on the verge of harming themselves or others

The employee not only discloses thoughts about harming themselves or others but also a plan to carry it out and the intent to do so. That’s an emergency, and merits an immediate call to 911, your security team, or both, depending on your company’s protocol.

2. Employee discloses thoughts of harming or killing themselves but has not made a plan 

In this case, the best response is to call your employee assistance program (EAP) and immediately connect the person by phone. An EAP representative can conduct a risk assessment to determine whether the employee is in immediate danger. 

3. Behavior changes such as changes in participation, mood, or suffering work product 

In this situation, it’s best to connect with the employee to understand their situation and make them aware of relevant benefits such as the EAP. What follows are some best practices for how to approach this sensitive conversation.

Having the Conversation 

Invite the employee to check in with you in a private room, and make sure to set aside at least 30 minutes to talk. Go into the conversation with clear objectives in mind and anticipate potentially helpful resources you can share. This usually includes your EAP or how to access short-term disability or workplace accommodations.

It’s important to open the dialogue in a direct, concise, and non-judgmental way. You could open with something like, “I’m noticing you haven’t seemed like yourself lately,” or, “I’m concerned about you.” Justify that concern by describing the observed behaviors that led you to worry. Be specific, concrete, and as objective as possible.

Describe observed behaviors

This could sound like, “I noticed you haven’t been showing up for meetings,” or, “I noticed you haven’t been responding to emails and you seem distracted.” Give specifics whenever possible. This lets the person know you’re concerned and why, and sets the stage for inviting them to share what might be going on.

Listen fully

You can start the next part of the discussion with questions like, “What’s been going on for you?” or “Can you tell me more?” That way, you’re not specifically asking about someone’s mental health but keeping it open-ended so they can share as much or as little as they want to. 

More often than not, people will share a little bit about what’s happening with them. Still, remember that the employee may respond by shutting down conversation. If that happens, don’t pry further: your job isn’t to be a detective, but to let them know you’re available to listen and learn about the broader context.

When an employee does share what’s going on, it’s best to respond by validating their emotions. Let them know they’re not alone and it’s not unusual to feel this way. You might offer something like, “I can understand why you’d feel overwhelmed given the situation you’re in,” or, “I think many people might feel that way given the scenario.” You can also express your gratitude that they opened up to you with something like, “I can imagine how hard that is to share, and I appreciate you sharing it with me.” 

The most important step in this conversation? Referring the employee to relevant resources. After validating the person’s feelings, it’s best to shift the conversation toward those resources. You can say something like, “Have you considered looking at your benefits intranet page to see if there’s a resource that might help out in this situation?”

If it seems appropriate given what they’ve disclosed, you can get more specific and say something like, “One of our benefits, the EAP, offers coaching and therapy, and I think it could be helpful for you to look at that.” 

What to Avoid 

Giving Advice

When someone has just shared that they’re going through something difficult, the urge to offer advice is understandable. But keep in mind that what the employee disclosed to you is only a small piece of a larger picture, so any advice you give could be unhelpful since you lack context.


People may judge in a way they think is helpful with thoughts like, “If only this person knew this isn’t such a big deal,” or, “I should let them know this isn’t as bad as it seems.” That kind of message can feel invalidating to people, and what’s distressing to one person may not be distressing to another.


Labeling someone can be stigmatizing and cause shame. And chances are, it’s not going to be an accurate diagnosis anyway. Leave that clinical work to psychologists and therapists.

Requiring help-seeking

You don’t want someone to feel compelled to seek care because their employer requires it. A better approach is to provide the relevant information without mandating or even using the word “should.” 

Focusing on performance issues

It’s best to schedule a separate meeting to discuss work performance issues. Otherwise, you risk having the employee think that seeking help is now directly tied to their performance.

How to respond if an employee discloses thoughts of suicide

Indicators of suicide risk include statements that make clear that the person is considering self-harm or suicide such as, “I just want to end it all.” Slightly subtler signs could include statements like, “I don’t think I can go on living anymore” or statements of hopelessness or helplessness indicating that the person feels they have no reason to live, and nothing left to lose.

Take these statements seriously

While people may make exaggerated or flippant comments or engage in morose humor, it’s always better to take the statements seriously and be wrong versus the potentially tragic alternative of dismissing them and being wrong. 

To get clarity, it’s best to ask directly if an employee has thought about hurting themselves. A direct approach would be something like, “Sometimes when people are really upset they have thoughts about hurting themselves – are you having thoughts like that?” 

If the answer is vague like, “Not really,” or “Maybe,” err on the side of caution until you can get a clear “yes” or “no.” You might say something like, “When you say ‘maybe,’ it makes me concerned and want to know more about what you mean by that.” This way, you’re signaling that you won’t just let their response go and will follow up.

If the response is “yes,” the first thing to do is to take a deep breath. Then talk to the employee about getting help. The best practice in this situation is to call the EAP while you’re in the room and have the employee speak to an EAP representative in the moment. 

Remember – if the employee says they’re not only considering suicide but has a plan to carry it out, you need to treat that like the emergency it is and call either your security team or 911. The immediate concern in that situation is ensuring the person’s safety and getting them evaluated.

When an employee is struggling with their mental health, knowing how to respond can be tough. Keep in mind that there are no perfect words here – the important thing is to express your concern and connect the person to the help they need. Getting someone who’s struggling into care is the single most impactful thing you can do to help them get better and prevent suicide. 


If you want help connecting with a therapist, Lyra can assist you. You can get started today if Lyra is offered by your employer. Sign up now.

For employers who want to learn more about how Lyra’s enhanced EAP addresses network adequacy and quality issues, download our whitepaper on quality or get in touch.

And check in frequently here or follow us on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter for more insights into supporting employees’ mental health.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.


Joe Grasso, PhD is the Manager for Clinical Quality at Lyra Health and a licensed clinical psychologist. He specializes in mixed-methods research and evaluation, health care quality improvement and implementation science, and program development. Dr. Grasso also provides evidence-based psychotherapy for adults in San Francisco.