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In the past, it was widely believed that emotions had no place at work. Employees should leave their feelings at home, keeping them separate from their professional lives.
The reality is that emotions have always been present in the workplace—they simply found alternative channels for expression such as poor engagement and inefficiency. Our feelings are essential to our survival and impact every aspect of our lives. Building a work culture that recognizes this and promotes what I call “emotional agility” honors our human experience and also contributes to a healthy, productive work environment.
What is emotional agility?
Based on over 20 years of research, emotional agility is a set of skills that allows us and others to experience the full range of emotions, and choose how we respond to them in a way that aligns with our values. Emotional agility encourages us to show up in our lives, workplaces, and relationships in a way that’s open, accepting, and thoughtful. Rather than knee-jerk reactions to feelings, it creates space for psychological flexibility. When we have emotional agility, we don’t view feelings as psychological states we must control or fight against. Instead, we use emotions as valuable information.
Without emotional agility in the workplace, we typically react rather than respond. For example, people react to stress in a predictable way that involves cognitive narrowing so that we can focus on the perceived threat. If we don’t take a step back and allow ourselves to experience the nuanced feelings that are part of our stress response, we respond from a place of threat. This may look like snapping at a colleague’s request or shooting off an angry email.
At an organizational level, lack of emotional agility can cause silos or an us-versus-them mentality, especially during times of transition. An employee feeling stressed about a change can go to a place of, “Well, I’m just not doing this,” or “I’m being undermined, so I can’t contribute in this meeting.” And without emotional agility, leaders can interpret this as, “You’re either on the bus or off,” or “They’re being resistant, so I need to treat them as resistant.”
Conflict is part of collaboration. Potential failure holds hands with innovation. Without emotional agility and the psychological safety to be vulnerable and authentic, employees can’t bring their best selves forward. Authenticity is the ultimate expression of our emotions, thinking, values, and behavior. It’s the recognition that emotions are part of us, but not all of us.
Rather than fighting against the belief that emotions have no place at work or that we should only express positive feelings, emotional agility encourages us to accept the full range of human emotions and harness them as a source of strength and insight.
How to create emotional agility in the workplace
We’re not merely a product of our emotions; we’re complex beings with the capacity to choose how we respond to emotional stimuli. Here are some ways to build the psychological flexibility to transform our relationship with emotions:
#1 Name your emotions
Labeling our emotions with greater granularity is like a “linguistic superpower.” Often we name emotions in broad, blanket terms like “stress,” but we’re capable of more intricate interpretations. For example, if you declare, “I’m stressed,” your body shifts into a fight-flight-freeze response, hijacking your brain and making it difficult to react thoughtfully. By exploring alternative emotions—“I’m feeling disappointed,” “I’m feeling sad,” “I’m feeling worried”—you acknowledge you’re more than your emotions.
Putting a name to what we’re feeling helps us be more precise about our emotional experience, which can guide our responses. Identify and label the emotion you’re experiencing. Is it fear, anger, anxiety, something else? Take slow, deep breaths to calm your physiological response and ask yourself what you need to feel safe and grounded before you respond.
#2 Use emotions as data
Rather than judging emotions as positive or negative, view them as data. This allows us to more constructively engage with our emotions and those of others. For instance, behind the emotional reaction of an upset team member there’s a flashing arrow reading, “This is something I value.” They’re upset because they care how something impacts their customers, their colleagues, or themselves. That leads to responses that might be interpreted as “being difficult.” If we pay attention to these signposts of underlying values, we can engage more compassionately and effectively.
#3 Step into your values
Acting from values rather than emotions is vital for emotional agility because it empowers decisions based on core beliefs and principles. When we’re steady in our values and how we want to show up in everyday life, we can better navigate emotional ups and downs while maintaining consistency and personal integrity. Prioritizing values over momentary emotions allows for more constructive responses. Feel the difficult emotion, pause, and ask yourself, “Who do I want to be, and how can I react in a way that aligns with my values?”
#4 Recognize your stories
We all have narratives about ourselves that manifest in different ways. In difficult work situations, observe your thoughts, emotions, and the stories you tell yourself. Recognize these stories for what they are: narratives your mind constructs based on your emotional state and past experiences. Use your linguistic superpower to create space between you and your emotions; for example, “This is my imposter story,” or “This is my unworthy story.” This space allows room for other aspects of yourself to emerge, like your values and wisdom.
#5 Avoid surface acting
Putting on a smile even when we’re not genuinely happy, also known as “surface acting,” increases our risk of burnout. This can manifest in increased cynicism, reduced productivity, and mental health concerns like depression and anxiety. If you’re going through the motions, feeling disconnected and emotionally exhausted, tune in with what’s below the surface and give yourself permission to feel it.
#6 Get support
Mental health coaching and therapy can enhance psychological flexibility by fostering self-awareness, providing tools for emotional regulation, and challenging unhelpful beliefs and thought patterns. At the same time, you’ll receive support and practical strategies for better emotional navigation and personal growth.
Build your team’s emotional agility
At a time when artificial intelligence is commoditizing human knowledge and moving us into an extraordinary moment of complexity and stress, “human skills” like emotional agility are becoming more relevant than ever. Instead of sitting on the periphery, these skills will be at the top of the agenda for any organization. With emotional agility you can better understand your reactions, cultivate self-compassion, and navigate challenges with heightened resilience and adaptability.
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