Society often gives men strict rules on handling emotions. Phrases like, “man up” and, “be a man” suggest that men shouldn’t struggle emotionally. But in reality, everyone faces difficult emotions, regardless of gender.
Men and women experience mental health challenges at similar rates, yet men are far less likely to seek help. This is concerning because men in the U.S. are four times more likely than women to die by suicide. Talking openly about men’s mental health and challenging outdated ideas about masculinity can reduce stress and build resilience.
Men often hesitate to seek help due to society’s expectations. We’re told to be “tough,” handle things alone, and suppress emotions. So, instead of showing painful emotions, we might deal with distress through actions society deems more “manly” like:
These behaviors can be signs of emotional distress, but we may not recognize them as such. Even when we do, the stigma around asking for help often stops us from reaching out. Challenging outdated ideas about masculinity, like “real men don’t need help,” can help us combat stigma and overcome obstacles to well-being.
Feeling rules tell us which emotions are OK to feel and how strongly we should feel them. Society’s feeling rules for men are based on outdated ideas about masculinity, and they can have unwanted impacts. These rules suggest:
Impact: Relying only on ourselves can lead to isolation and prolonged distress.
Impact: Excessive toughness can isolate us and increase pressure on ourselves and others.
Impact: Hiding our emotions can lead to burnout, stress, and strained relationships.
Impact: Consistently holding back emotions can lead to chronic stress and prolonged pain.
Thankfully, views on masculinity are evolving. It’s time to adopt new feeling rules that promote emotional strength:
New rules require new skills. Developing new emotional skills can boost self-confidence, deepen relationships, and build resilience. Here’s how to start:
Asking for help requires strength, courage, and wisdom. Lyra’s coaches and therapists can support you in lowering stress, improving your relationships, and finding fulfillment. Remember, the most important challenges are often best tackled with teamwork.
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